POST #111: how the chicago douche bag got his name

“As a man you're not judged on your entrance, you're judged on your exit” ~Diane Farr

So I’m sure everyone is somewhat curious why I keep calling my ex-boyfriend “The Chicago Douche Bag.”  I alluded to why on POST #82: how to break up withsomeone like a chicago douche bag. But while that post was written somewhat in jest for idatedthatdouche.com here is the real story and I hope to God that he never does this to another girl.

While I was at Trader Todds he messaged me to come over to his condo and I told him I was out. I invited him to come to the bar but he never showed up (yes, this is the guy I’m supposed to give up my MD for ladies and gentleman).  The next day he texted me again to meet up. I told him that I would be willing to meet him in Evanston because and I quote “I do not feel like I should have to drive to your place for you to tell me something I do not want to hear….” His reply? “How do you know it’s going to be something you do not want to hear? I don’t want u out of my life… I just have some thoughts I want to lay out with ya.”  So I think most people would naturally assume that he wasn’t going to break things off with me.  That’s when I stupidly decided to meet that douche bag at his apartment. Four hours later (that is no exaggeration) he breaks up with me, so for the second time I am left to drive home from wicker park in my tears.

To say that I hated him was an understatement.  Even my 17 year old brother thought that making me drive to his apartment was a douche move and it was!  My friends were sure that he would eventually beg me back but I did not want that door to ever be open again. So the next morning I decided to bug him at work and to tell him exactly what I thought of him for the entire day.  I felt a lot better because sometimes bad closure is better than a door left slightly open.

A few days after that and after a lot of prayer I forgave him, and I still have forgiven him.  How could I be writing this with such scorn if I forgave him?  Simple.  Just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean you forget how they treated you but you let it go and it doesn’t torment you.  Forgiveness really is for you, it rarely is for the other person because anger can imprison you.  Trying to be the better person and the servant that God wants all of us to be, I decided to call him and bless him with the words that I did forgive him. Did I ever want to date him agin? Of course not, but I got to the point that if I saw him at a bar I wouldn’t throw a beer at him.  While we had this nice talk TCDB kept reiterating that he wanted to invite me to his rooftop when it was finished and how he really meant what he said earlier…he still wanted me in his life.

But just as they say about Cheaters (once a cheater, always a cheater), the same is probably also true of liars.  I would see on facebook that he invited people to his crappy rooftop and when we made an arrangement to meet up in the city (his idea) he blew me off.  So good riddance!  And as I always say, when someone leaves your life it just leaves a spot for someone better to come in.  And someone better did come in.  More on that soon!

POST #110: the worst advice I have ever received

The next afternoon I got a half-hearted text from The Chicago Douche Bag saying something to the effect of “we should take a break for a few days to slow down and figure things out.”  Which is always code for we should break up but I’m not ballsy enough to do so.  But rather than ignoring me like the night before, he kept texting me pictures of his friend’s Chihuahua, and kept wanting to talk to me.  Now I was really confused and I needed to unwind from all this stress and drama of the back-and-forth.  Naturally I went to a karaoke bar with my friend Elizabeth. This is where things got interesting.

While we were at Trader Todds, we met these nice two middle-aged men.  We got to talking and I explained the whole story of my “relationship” with The Chicago Douche Bag to them. Rather than saying kick him to the curb and move on like any other rational red-blooded person, he asked me if going to medical school was worth giving up for this guy. Wait…what?

I have only spent my entire life dreaming of a doctor, 3 years of undergrad slaving away taking pre-med courses, a year spent studying for the MCAT, thousands of dollars in application fees only to get accepted but this guy thinks I should just give this up because I met someone who I thought was special? Are you crazy? Yes. I think you are.  I am all about taking chances and if I was braver I would take more risks in relationships but I have a boyfriend who is freaking out at the thought of marriage, has no real sense of commitment to me clearly based on his actions but I should just throw away all my hard work for a 10% chance that The Chicago Douche Bag is “The One.” Wow.  The sad thing was, that the guy at the bar wasn’t kidding either and went on to tell me that I was the crazy one for not making a sacrifice for love.

“Wise men don’t need advice. Fools won’t take it.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

POST #109: the beginning of the end

So my relationship with The Chicago Douche Bag started to crumble when he decided about getting a new female roommate, but not for the reasons that you might think.

Slowly, new insecurities started to show up and all of a sudden my departure for medical school was something that he “couldn’t handle.”  I found that extremely unfair since we had only been together for what seemed like a day, and I wasn’t leaving for another 8 months because for one he knew about medical school from the very first day that I met him and for two 8 months is a really long time.  But he was sure that I “would break his heart” like the last girl he dated who left him when she went to medical school and was engaged to another guy shortly after.

We had this unpleasant talk and I had the sinking feeling that it was the beginning of the end of our relationship, but when he confirmed our plans for the next day I called him confused.

“Are you sure you want me to come down?” I asked.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I want you to come?” he replied.

“Oh, I don’t know because last night you told me that I would break your heart?” I said.

He laughed nervously and told me that I could do what I wanted.

All the while I was at a Northwestern softball game. I was wearing a purple Michael star dress and white espadrilles and slowly getting sunburnt.  I decided that I would make the trek to his wicker park condo after the game.   But the traffic was horrible!  At one point I remember having a conversation with the two guys in the car over from me because we were crawling down the highway at a snails pace.

By the time I arrived to The Chicago Douche Bag’s condo I was very antsy.  I had been sitting at a softball game all day just to sit in traffic for at least an hour and I just wanted to dance.  When I arrived, his new female roommate was there for me to meet and I was ready for a drink.  His roommate was cute and I actually really liked her I thought she was sweet.  It did not change the principle of the fact that he said that he would never get a female roommate when he had a girlfriend and went back on his word.  But what was most strange and upsetting is that TCDB ignored me from the minute I walked in.

This made me quite upset and after an hour of everyone talking to me except him I lost it.  I am so embarrassed that I wear my heart of my sleeve sometimes.  I was going to go home but the new roommate and Money Man’s girlfriend convinced me to stay.  They were both really nice at the time. Here I am sitting on the back porch blubbering and feeling quite alone and these two girls, one of whom is basically a stranger to me are befriending me and said really nice things.  Long story short they convince me to brush off my shoulders and go out with everyone.  I am a strong tough lady, but I’m not a robot.  So I put my game face on but I needed to get to the bar pronto if I was going to be able to keep my eyes dry. I needed a distraction and to fill my heart with the Joy that only dancing can bring. So I basically ran to Innjoy and let my stress out on the dance floor.  But finally it really got to me that I was dancing myself and that my boyfriend was still ignoring me so I approached him and before I could say anything, he said curtly “are you going to yell at me?”

I sweetly replied, “why are you ignoring me?”

Then he freaked out and spastically said “This is too intense, I’m not ready for all of this, all this talk of soulmates and marriage.”

I tried to remain calm in order to remind him that he was jumping to conclusions. After a few minutes of this nonsense, I asked him if I should stay or go.  He must’ve not given me a direct response because I left.  In my heart, I knew it was over and I knew he would never be the upstanding guy to chase after me.

Then this is when the waterworks really started to flow.  I think upset driving is probably worse than drunk driving because my eyes were so blurred from my tears that I should’ve never driven all the way home.  Luckily, my friend Jessica picked up her phone and talked me off the ledge and kept me company on my drive home because nothing is worse than being left alone with your thoughts sometimes.

POST #108: roommates

I’d like to take this time to talk about roommates.  Let me first say that I love people, and I have never lived alone.  But when it comes to roommates of the opposite sex, things can get a little tricky.  Obviously, it is no secret that I am a very traditional girl.  That being said, there are only two circumstances that I would live with a guy: 1) if I am engaged or married to this guy or  2) if I was living with two or more people.  So basically, I would never live in a two bedroom apartment with a man.  But a three or four bedroom apartment with any combination of girls and guys I am more open to (I also really happen to like the dynamic in the TV show New Girl  which is one girl, three guys).

In that very short transitional period of dating and then being in a relationship with The Chicago Douche Bag, he mentioned to me that he would never have a female roommate in his two bedroom condo if he was in a relationship.  This conversation was prompted by his best friend, Money Man kicking out his male roommate for a female one when he had a very fragile relationship with his on again-off again girlfriend Sarah.

Well now TCDB and I are in a relationship, and he wanted to do just what MM was doing; kick out his male roommate for a female one.  But wait, didn’t you just tell me a few days ago that you would never do that if you had a girlfriend and now you do but you are going back on your word?  It was all very confusing.  Why would he even want a female roommate?  I found it very disturbing.  In a previous relationship I took issue with a girl whom I felt was overstepping her boundaries with my boyfriend and I did not want to go through that again.  Especially with med school being very far away and TCDB having a history of cheating my mind started to race with ideas.  I could see it now, TCDB and I got into a fight, and his adorable roommate just walked past his room with a towel on because she just got out of the shower.  Angry TCDB opens a bottle of wine and then his roommate joins him on the couch with a sympathetic ear, after the bottle is consumed, inhibitions are gone and well…you get the idea.

I talked to my friends and my parents about this because I did not know what to do.  I was a very “young” girlfriend in the sense that we had only been in a relationship for what seemed like a day.  But I strongly think that in relationships you should be able to freely express how you feel.  My parents agreed and insisted that I tell him how I felt.

So I did, and that was the beginning of the end…

Turns out that MM’s girlfriend threw a fit, so he ended up getting a male roommate and pawned off this girl to TCDB. Which is Interesting.  Makes me feel like I am not alone in my thinking.